Don't think modern imperialism's a loser. Now we've gotta bailout their lousy banks too!

Per the Washington Post, The Kabul Bank is pulling a Citibank and crying for succor.

Now this is the Neutralist and we want all the troops home. Still, if we are going to do Imperialism, let's get something out of it. We don't bail them out, they bail us out. None of this pottery barn stuff.

This decree should go forth: On December 25th, everyone shall go to the city of their ancestors to be counted for taxes. Pay up by April 15th. Or we withdraw. That is our final offer.

Okay, Augustus didn't threaten to withdraw, but America needs love.