Forget October, we need an August Surprise!

It seems that daily there is an announcement that Mitt Romney has committed some peccadillo.  NPR and mainline radio snootily tell us about the deformed soul of the man. 

Of course there is Seumas the dog that got to ride on the top of the family car during  vacation.   To your average public radio lover, this is a crime deserving a warrant for a trip to the Hague.  As they fervently pet the dogs they rescued from the shelter, they think about the charge of a Crime against Dogmanity.  As the clincher in the Mittser’s Satanic canonization it was a fizzle.

We do love dogs in this country.  Heck, I have a shelter dog too.   So the caninineites not enamored of Mitt had some right to think this might be the kiss of death.  Surprisingly, outside of the NPR crowd, it had little traction.  Could it be that everyone is bored by Romney and fail to register an awake state the minute his name is mentioned?  Alternatively, non bien-pensants realize the cool people would be less upset if la famille Mitt had strapped a kid topside.

He has not made many of his tax returns public and the nation is yawning.  Should this be a story?  After all that went on to get Obama to share his papers with the “Birthers” and zzzzzzzs.  Besides, if the “Tax Returners” keep it up, Romney could say, “sure, let’s see your man’s SATs.”  Not going far, that.

It’s not a scandal that he wants to increase military spending to behemoth levels that would bankrupt the country.  After all, military spending is at behemoth levels and bankrupting the country.

Also not a contretemps that, while governor, he let the innocent Tookey Amirault rot in jail because pedophilia is horrible.  He could probably spin it to a plus on the campaign trail.

Maybe he doesn’t put the cap back on the tube?  Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Supposedly, there is an effective Opposition research team in Obama’s corner.  Sort of a vast left wing conspiracy (VLWC).  Yeah, they find a lot.  All of it is probably true.  Yet nothing hits the mark.  It is so constant that if Mitt shoots the Pope, the scandal fatigue will render it meaningless.

It is with this in mind, I’ve decided to write in these pages to the people who could do something to save the Republic as much as they don’t mean to.

Dear VLWC,

This is an open letter because I do not know if there is an official opposition research group, but I am sure an entity to get the dirt exists.  Now, normally I view dirt mongers as not people I like to be associated with.  Still, we need you.  Desperate times you know. 

Mitt Romney is in danger of being president through no fault of his own.  Yes, he spent oodles of cash and all that, but his opponents dropped like the seasonal fruit flies they were.  The party leaders would rather gargle razor blades than see his only real opposition get the nomination.  So, he was the last (acceptable) man standing.

Most in your camp feel a Romney presidency would be a disaster.  Moi, I agree.  Certainly, our reasons for this differ.  You doubtless believe the former governor would bring about a fascist regime with even such atrocities as daily sexual assaults at airports, or something.

I do not believe the Romney administration would be a disaster compared with your beloved incumbent.  Worse in degree, but what he promises, a bigger military, carte blanche for the mongers of a Persian war is what we might get in the second Obama take.  No one believes a re-elected Obama would reign in the banks or the Fed.

It appears that you are not doing the muck job very well.  Of course, what do I know?  You may be holding the trump that will be thrown a few days before the election.  You probably have to have something close to the vest for any hope of winning.  Your guy as things stand, has no chance even if there is not that much difference between him and the Romnster.

Don’t think so.  Remember “It’s the economy, stupid.”  Well, they can’t vote against Bush, but they can cast ballots against an incumbent.  The saying, “nothing wrong with the Republican Party that 20% inflation couldn’t cure” has been attributed to Ben Wattenberg, among others.  We are not talking about the price index, but the unemployment rate will do.  Romney could do worse, but the electorate will feel he would have to work hard at it.

So how can you help me and why should you?

First question first.  You must redouble your efforts and understand the goal.  It is not some fact about the presumed nominee that might bump up poll standing.  We need the hole that a truck can drive through.  More specifically, a thing that if made public, would cause him to drop out of the race.  Bane sending jobs overseas hasn’t done it and won’t.  There are no affairs and the Edwin Edwards “live boy, dead girl” may no longer matter.

That’s why I am appealing to your professional expertise.  If there is anyone who can get me a magic bullet, it is mad dog democrat operatives., no offense.  This is got to be a problem, but also an opportunity.  After all, if both Obama and Bush had their innings with coke that doesn’t come in a bottle, well there is a new departure as to what disqualifies. 

It has to be beyond political correctness.  Romney is for traditional marriage and you don’t like that.  Unfortunately, other than your crowd, the country is okay with that, and he is not about to eat at chick-fil-a.

So creativity is the order of the day.  I’m pulling for you.

Now why should you help me.  In truth, it is not moi you would be serving, but your country.  I know that class holds more sway with you. 

Yet there may something a bit more primal in the team and one hopes that stirs your heart.  Yes, we have to go all the way back to George McGovern and “Come Home America.”  Les hommes et dames a la gauche used to be the base of bringing the troops home.

Your leader even called the Iraq war a dumb war until he waged it unsuccessfully, proving the original point.

Before the Iraq invasion, an upstate NY public radio station was anti-war all day.  Now, with Obama in office, it feels as if they are on the war team.

C’mon lads, lasses, all we are saying is give peace a chance.  Now, there is only one peace candidate.  If ever you truly believed in it, now is your chance. 

The Republican Convention starts August 27^th.  If there is something that causes the withdrawl of Mitt, Ron Paul is the last man standing.  Granted, the party moms and dads would rather call on Herman Cain, but it will have moved beyond them.  The Paul campaign is still alive and organized.  You can make that happen.

Again, why should you?  You can make Obama a better candidate.  He may not win, but he is losing now.  If Paul is his opponent, he can be more of a peace candidate.  If Mitt is his opponent, he will try to be a bigger war monger.  Do you really want that?